I went into a high street clothing store, found something I liked, tried it on, and bought it.
If this doesn’t sound that amazing to you it’s likely that you’re lucky enough to be what most retailers consider average sized. I haven’t been for years, and have had to skulk around the plus size sections, buying clothes based on being able to get into them, not whether or not I liked them. If you’ve never had to do this you’ve no idea how soul destroying clothes shopping can be. Even if you don’t already hate your body an afternoon of struggling to find anything you can squeeze into can leave your self esteem badly bruised. Society has raised us that appearance is everything, especially for women for whom clothes shopping should be a treat and indulgence. When you’re too big to fit into the majority of what’s on offer it can be hard to convince yourself that appearance isn’t important. Being able to choose something I like, and buy it from the general stock not a separate range, feels like a massive positive change.
This is an indication of how the changes I’ve been making this year are making a difference. That small, sustainable changes to my life style do have a big impact on my health and my life. It’s motivation to keep going.
I’m now down to a UK 18, which is at the large end of what most shops consider average size. Although of course all shops vary, I’ve found the difference in waist size between different 18s can be as much as 4 inches, so for every store I’m an 18 in there’s one I’m in a 20. And I’m still too tall for most stores, for trousers or long sleeves I have to go to the special “tall” ranges.
And of course there are the ethical issues. Refusing to participate in throw away fashion is much easier when none of it fits you! The first things I bought in my new size were pre-owned from charity shops, a lot better for the environment and my bank balance! When I do shop on the high street I try to be aware of the ethical standings of the stores and avoid the worst offenders. I’d recommend checking the Ethical Consumer website to see how your favourite store scores.
Today Newcastle Can joined with various leisure facilities across the city to offer free sessions to residents to kick start their fitness. There are an awful lot of people out there, me included, who never consider going to a gym and expect it to be an unpleasant experience. I think they hoped actually getting us in there and proving there were no demon PE teachers waiting to ridicule our every failure (or perhaps that fear’s just me?) would make us consider going more often.
I persuaded my partner to come along, partly for moral support and partly so I was sure there was at least one other person there at my poor fitness level! We went to Eldon Leisure. I walk past this place several times a week, but have never been up the escalators to see what it’s all about before.
We were welcomed by one of the leisure centre staff, with a Newcastle Can T-shirt and a welcoming smile whose genuine enthusiasm put us at our ease. She explained what was going on and pointed us to the changing rooms. In a typical rookie mistake I left my phone in the locker – so have no photos to illustrate the experience. We were early for the first fitness class, so we spent half an hour in the gym where we were delighted to discover cycling for 30 minutes didn’t lead to us keeling over. We stuck to the cycles because we didn’t want to be too tired in advance of the class.
The class was Aerobic a GoGo Dancercise, something that took me and my partner way out of our comfort zones. The fact it was being filmed for the Newcastle Can documentary added to our nerves, and I think if my partner hadn’t been there I might have legged it! They asked if we were happy to be filmed, personally I’m not sure happy was the right word – I’ve committed to do this, I’m not going to back out now, but the idea of being hot, sweaty and uncoordinated on camera didn’t fill me with joy!
The class was led by Dawn who was a fantastic instructor, clearly aware of the very mixed levels of experience in the room, and keen to make everyone welcome. She went through the instructions for each routine clearly, demonstrating the low and high impact versions and letting us know it was fine to rest if we needed to. One of the things that’s put me off attending exercise classes is the fear of being the only fatty in the room, the only one that can’t keep up, the only one puffing and panting while the lithe athletic types don’t break a sweat. It wasn’t like that. Dawn warned us at the beginning that we’d all be hot and sweaty, her most of all!
There were more mirrors than I’m comfortable with, but once we got going my eyes were on Dawn, my concentration on trying to get my body following the moves in time with the music and I didn’t have room for worrying. There was loud music, flashing lights and lots of moves. Some came easy, the surf board and shimmying I liked. Others were more challenging, getting my whole body moving in different directions was a challenge to my coordination. Most challenging was the Newcastle Can Can-Can, incorporating balance, rhythm and high kicks. I couldn’t keep up, but I was smiling.
After the session we went back to the gym and tried some more of the machines. And I found myself wavering. I’ve always thought gyms weren’t for me, that I’d be too out of place, too self conscious, too bored. But this was OK. I was definitely working muscles that don’t get a look in during any of my walking. Could I do this regularly?
Since I signed up to Newcastle Can I’ve lost over a stone. And although there have been challenges there’s nothing yet that has felt impossible. I feel healthier. People can see the difference. I think now I’m at the limit of what I can do on my own, and if I’m going to make bigger changes I need to take advantage of what’s out there.
The point of Newcastle Can is that we come together as a community, that enough people all making changes together can be more successful than struggling alone. I’ve known for years what I needed to do to get fitter, I’ve never done it til now. If I stop at the changes I’ve already made I’ll still be significantly healthier than I was.
I suppose what I’m considering now is do I step up a gear? Is what I’m already doing enough, or do I do more? My worry is if I up the pace, make changes that are too dramatic, I might not be able to keep going I’ll feel like a failure. But how will I know how much I can do if I don’t try?
One of the benefits of taking part in NewcastleCan’s campaign to get healthier and lose weight is that I’m getting braver in the kitchen.
For years I’ve had a shelf full of beautiful recipe books which sat on the kitchen shelf exuding cooking vibes, hardly ever used. I found them intimidating, often full of ingredients I’d never heard of, and so prescriptive that I was terrified of deviating from any step. There were a couple which were friendlier, but only a handful of recipes I used regularly.
For NewcastleCan I’m trying to avoid processed food by cooking more often, and I’m trying hard to make what I cook healthier. I’m deviating from the recipes, trying new things with less worry about how it will turn out, and getting an understanding of the impact of the food I make on my body. I’m not resorting to takeaways as often, I am eating more fruit and veg, less dairy and carbs.
If I don’t have an ingredient I substitute. Sometimes it works. Usually it works. Sometimes it doesn’t, but I learn from that (learning sweet potatoes don’t take as long to cook as regular potatoes is a case in point.) Occaisionally something unexpected happens. I learn from that too. Tonight the egg in the fried rice I was making went green due to the green peppers and spinach creating excess liquid in the pan. It tasted fine, and luckily I have a family who’ll pretty much try anything!
As well as feeling healthier and losing weight it’s saving me money. There’s less wasted food, bought with good intentions but never used. More homemade lunches taken in to work, and so less cash on lunches. And making sure I make filling meals is helping me snack less too.
I’m hoping these are habits I’ll stick to. Of course I’ll allow myself occasional treats, but I’ll make sure they are just occasional. So far so good.
Things went a bit wrong last week. There I was all proud of myself for cooking instead of getting a takeaway, hitting my 10,000 steps target every day, avoiding sugar, doing well. Right up to the point where I stepped on the scales and they hadn’t shifted. I was still exactly the same weight I’d been two weeks before.
My mind went into overdrive trying to rationalise this. Could it be a side effect of my medication? The result of an IBS flare up? Fat turning into muscle? A fault with the scales?
But I have to be honest with myself. And, being honest, I had to admit that I’d probably given myself a few too many ‘special dispensations’ to eat unhealthily. A colleagues birthday, biscuits someone brought specially, a funeral… When I really thought about it I realised I had probably had more days with unhealthy snacks than without.
This led to a wobble. A couple of days where I thought “I’ve failed at this, I may as well eat what I like.”
But I pulled myself around. Reminded myself why getting healthy is important to me. Decided what to do next.
One of the bits of advice on the Newcastle Can website is
Keep a food diary – of EVERYTHING you eat. How much, what time you ate it, how you felt after you ate it etc. This is the best way to find out where you could cut back or where your problem areas are and what causes you to overeat.
Its something I’ve resisted. I wanted getting healthier to be about small, sustainable changes, not about counting calories. I didn’t want to worry about it so much that I was weighing everything I ate to calculate whether I could eat it or not.
But given my apparent ability to justify unhealthy on offs, and the way all those one offs add up without me noticing it, I decided I’d give it a go. I started Monday, using the Fitbit App for tracking, and My Fitness Pal for working out the total value per portion of home made meals.
So far it’s going OK. It’s sometimes a bit approximate. If I eat something that’s not listed I guess at a similar item and hope the calories are within the range. And when I’m making something homemade the portions we have for tea will be slightly larger than the portions I save for lunches but I just put the same for both. Generally I think it’s in the ball park even if it’s not exact.
Its a good discipline. I’ve felt more aware of what I’m eating and less tempted to have treats. Its been reassuring to see that in my usual eating pattern my calories in are fewer than my calories out. Using the tools available in the apps it hasn’t been as complicated as I’d feared it would be. Even though it’s early days I am hopeful that I’ll persevere it.
And hopefully next time I step on the scales it will make a difference.